My 5th Life

I never really believed in reincarnation, but I do think I've had at least 5 rather seperate phases to my life. When I look back on the past it's hard to believe that the person back then was still me. It's as if I died at the end of each stage and came back a whole new person.

Stage 1: Childhood. I love reflecting on this time and I miss it more than any other stage. It was full of dreams and imagination, beauty, joy, playfulness. I felt my family's love for me and I enjoyed being who I was. I played in the pond with cousins, rode bikes, explored the yard looking for ancient artifacts, played capture the flag with neighbors, etc. It was a magical time.

Stage 2: Teenage Years. I would never go back. Not even for 1 million dollars. It was a lonely and depressing time. Emotions and hormones made me a train wreck. I did enjoy babysitting and reading, beading and jalapeno chips. I felt very alone.

Stage 3: College. This is where things started to get fun again. I took lots of classes that I was interested in: Spanish, Italian, French, Portuguese, Humanities, Geography, Art History, Piano, Dance (social and folk), History. It was so much fun and I made lots of great friends. I graduated and stayed at school to work in the library. The best job ever with the best coworkers ever! It was a great time. I saved money, spent money, hung out with friends, took classes for free on work time. I went to the international cinema. I dated! I didn't go on a date until I was 18 and I didn't even know that guy's name. College didn't pick up immediately, but eventually as I came out of my shell boys started to be interested.

Stage 4: Marriage. I love being married and Chris is a wonderful husband. I don't tell him that nearly enough. We have so much fun together and the first few years were so nice. He was in school and worked part time. I was working full time. After work I would come home and work on the giant jigsaw puzzle. It was a struggle to come to terms with my previous expectations of marriage and home life and what it actually turned out to be. The house was never that clean, the dinner wasn't always home cooked, I wasn't the homemaker and wife I expected to immediately become. We did work through it and come to terms with the reality of our life together.

Stage 5: Mommyhood. This stage was surprisingly difficult in the beginning. My body crashed after giving birth and I sunk into a depression and anxiety hole deeper than I had ever felt before. I couldn't eat, get dressed, anything but sleep and hope to wake up feeling better. I had been so excited and nervous about the baby, but I then things went very wrong. Fortunately with medication and time everything got gradually better and better and I love my little boy so so much. We still have difficult days, but we have so much fun together and he is such a cute little person. Now I am working on fun hobbies like sewing, canning, reading, cooking, and sometime soon gardening. I am enjoying my 5th life and hope for many fun and interesting lives to come.